Am 10. April erschien folgender
Artikel, in dem ironisch dazu aufgefordert wird, in der heutigen Zeit den Kindern durchaus die Konsequenzen ihres Tuns anhand des Struwwelpeters zu verdeutlichen.
Die Kommentare am Ende sind auch sehr amüsant.
Posted by Blue Menu under Blue Menu’s rumination
If you’re like me, you worry about two things: collapsing balconies, and the fate of today’s children. But while you can’t predict balcony collapse without sophisticated equipment, anyone can see that today’s youth are in trouble.

Childhood obesity, decaying morality, disrespect for authority – heck, even poor music choices. They’re all caused by the same thing: poor parenting. Seems the same leftist pinkos who introduced us to the dreaded “isms” – feminism, multiculturalism, environmentalism and vegetarianism – also convinced us that the way to raise children was to spoil them with love and encourage their creative urges.
Well, it doesn’t take Nancy Grace to realize that this approach hasn’t worked. I know people don’t like to hear it, but let’s face the facts: Today’s children are lazy, rude, materialistic, self-centered ingrates who wouldn’t recognize hard work if it teabagged them.

What happened? How did we get into this mess? And how can we right the ship and ensure that our children grow into respectful members of society? The answer is clear: We must teach our children the lessons of Der Struwwelpeter.

Der Struwwelpeter, for those of you not familiar with it, was a ground-breaking book of cautionary fables written for 3- to 6-year-old children by world renowned child psychologist Dr. Heinrich Hoffman in 1845.
The story goes that Dr. Hoffman wanted to buy a picture book as a Christmas present for his son. Hoffman was disappointed to find that the only books on offer were simply not terrifying enough to scare his son into behaving properly, and set about to produce his own book of moralistic fables for his son, replete with graphic illustrations showing the disastrous consequences of anti-social behaviour.
Literally translated, “Struwwelpeter” means “Shock-headed Peter” or “Slovenly Peter”, after the title character in the book, who fails to groom himself properly and is, as a result, ostracized by his peers.

By all accounts, Der Struwwelpeter was illustrated and written with one determined purpose in mind: to absolutely terrify children into behaving properly by graphically demonstrating the irrationally far-fetched consequences associated with seemingly harmless misbehaviour. And make no mistake, Der Struwwelpeter was extremely successful in that regard. The book was translated into dozens of languages worldwide, including an English translation by Mark Twain, and continues to form part of the popular lexicon in countries where it is common to torture children.

I can attest to the terrifying experience that came with reading Der Struwwelpeter as a child; I bite my fingernails even though I am an adult, and I am convinced that I do it partly as an unconscious response to the image of Struwwelpeter himself. Just recently, I found the book on the shelf at my parents’ house, and curled up into a ball when I saw the front cover.
Now, I hear you asking: But how can a simple book like Der Struwwelpeter turn my misbehaving child around? Well, give me a chance to explain. Admittedly, the lessons in Der Struwwelpeter are hardly groundbreaking: Don’t play with matches, don’t be cruel to animals, don’t make fun of minorities, don’t suck your thumb, etc. What is groundbreaking about Der Struwwelpeter, however, is how Hoffman lovingly marries charming rhyming fables with terrifying illustrations to activate the single greatest motivating factor for small children: fear.

We at Food Court Lunch strongly believe that fear is the only way to properly raise children. Only by forcing our children to become irrationally fearful of worst case scenarios can we mold those children into useful (if emotionally stunted) members of society. It’s time to step away from the touchy-feely school of parenting and get back to Alt-Schule discipline, German style.
And so, as a service to our readers, we present to you the Top 7 Parenting Lessons from Der Struwwelpeter:
1. Personal Hygiene
What the Experts Say:
The experts will tell you that parents can encourage proper grooming habits in children by making regular grooming, such as brushing one’s teeth, a fun experience.
What Der Struwwelpeter Says:
The story of Struwwelpeter describes a young boy who refuses to brush his hair or cut his fingernails. As a result, he is reviled by all and is banished to live alone.

So next time your daughter won’t brush her teeth, don’t waste your time trying to make it an enjoyable experience; rather, simply tell her that she is disgusting and is destined to die alone.
2. Cruelty to Animals
What the Experts Say:
Children should be taught about the proper treatment of animals by explaining that all living things experience pain, and by reiterating that animals are precious creatures that should be cherished.
What Der Struwwelpeter Says:
Wrong. In “The Story of Cruel Friederich“, a violent boy terrorizes a neighbourhood dog. As a result, the dog bites Friederich and then proceeds to eat Friederich’s sausages whilst the boy is bedridden.

See what Hoffman’s done here? He’s taken a rather simple message (i.e., “don’t be cruel to animals”), and turned it into a bizarrely cautionary tale: “Don’t you ever touch a dog, because they are bloodthirsty animals who will attack you and then eat your lunch as you watch”. Brilliant.
3. Playing with Fire
What the Experts Say:
Children should be discouraged from playing with fire by stressing that matches are something that only adults can use.
What Der Struwwelpeter Says:
Wrong again. In “The Dreadful Story of Pauline and the Matches“, a careless little girl plays with matches despite the concerned pleas of two kittens. As a result, the little girl lights herself on fire, and is burned down to a pile of ashes, which pile of ashes is later doused by the tears of the two grieving kittens.

Simple message here, really. Listen to the cats, or you’re going to die.
4. Respect for Minorities:
What the Experts Say:
Children can be taught respect and empathy for minorities by exposing them to colourful ethnic and cultural traditions. Use of hurtful slang terminology to describe minorities should be strongly discouraged.
What Der Struwwelpeter Says:
Nice try, Doctor Phil. Instead, threaten your children that Santa Claus will permanently disfigure them if they dare speak ill of any minorities. As an example, in “The Story of the Inky Boys,” Saint Nicholas catches three caucasian boys teasing a big-lipped African child, and punishes the children by dipping them in black ink, thereby making the three boys even darker than “Blackie”. Lesson learned!

5. Gun Control
What the Experts Say:
Children should be taught from an early age that guns are not play objects, and should be given positive, non-violent toys as a substitute to water guns.
What Der Struwwelpeter Says:
In “The Story of the Wild Huntsman“, a rabbit steals a hunter’s rifle and eyeglasses and attempts to shoot the hunter. The hunter avoids the shot by jumping down a well, but in the ensuing chaos, the bullet grazes a coffee cup and the rabbit’s child is burned by the hot coffee.

Again, simple message here. The hunter shouldn’t have….. I mean, the rabbit should have known better than to… [ahem.] It’s more of a vorschtein, actually.
6. Thumb-Sucking
What the Experts Say:
Thumb-sucking is a normal activity for young children. As children grow and leave the crib, they can be discouraged from sucking their thumbs by putting bitter-tasting nail polish on the thumbs.
What Der Struwwelpeter Says:
Bitter thumbs? Good luck. Not scary enough. In “The Story of Little Suck-a-Thumb“, a concerned mother warns her son not to suck his thumbs. However, when she leaves the house, he resumes his thumb-sucking. Naturally, a roving tailor suddenly appears and cuts off the boy’s thumbs with giant scissors, leaving a pile of blood. Let’s see you try to suck your thumbs now!

7. Eating Habits:
What the Experts Say:
Encourage good eating habits in your children by incorporating fruits and vegetables into playful meals that emphasize the fun aspect of food. Establish regular meal times to discourage snacking.
What Der Struwwelpeter Says:
What a crock. Your kid won’t eat? Maybe it’s time to remind them that famine and death lurk around the corner. In the aptly-named “Story of Kaspar Who Did not Have any Soup“, Kaspar, a strong young boy, declares that he no longer wishes to eat his soup. Over the next few days, he wastes away and dies. Problem solved.

From the concerned parents of Food Court Lunch
Kommentare:
7 Responses to “Lessons from Der Struwwelpeter!”
April 10th, 2008 at 8:42 am This explains so much. Not only about Germans in general, but about why Menu is always eating other people’s soup.
April 10th, 2008 at 8:49 am It was always my soup!
April 10th, 2008 at 1:11 pm Outstanding public-service annoucement, FCL. When I get home tonight, I will taunt any nearby dog into biting my children, then set them on fire, toss them down a well and dip them in ink. Maybe not in that order, I might ad-lib a bit. Well on my way to winner of the Canadian Parenting’s father of the year award.
By the way, I think Pauline’s despondent kittens also used her ashes as a dirtbox – see the two suspicious-looking, turd-like, uh, turds in the foreground.
April 10th, 2008 at 1:21 pm One of my favourite passages:
Now see! oh! see, what a dreadful thing
The fire has caught her apron-string;
Her apron burns, her arms, her hair;
She burns all over, everywhere.
So she was burnt with all her clothes,
And arms and hands, and eyes and nose;
Till she had nothing more to lose
Except her little scarlet shoes;
And nothing else but these was found
Among her ashes on the ground.
April 10th, 2008 at 1:48 pm The two screaming cats and the girl on fire would make a great album cover.
Not as great as, say, posing with your steins and accordion in front of the Alps, but still pretty good.
April 10th, 2008 at 1:52 pm BHE:
Trust me – you do NOT want the Ricola people getting their legal department involved.
April 10th, 2008 at 3:39 pm I am still stuck on the image of Nancy Grace’s informative fellatio demonstration. “Headline Prime” indeed!